It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint!
A True Story
by Kevin McGuigan, BSED

I met Matt when he was 9 years old. I was coaching wrestling at the local high school. A group of youth wrestling parents asked me to work with their kids a few nights a week. Matt was in this small group of youth wrestlers. He was aggressive and stronger than most of the other kids. At 9 years old, having these two attributes put him in the top tier of athletes in his age group.

Matt’s father, Steve, seemed like a great guy. I’m not sure he ever wrestled but he was definitely an enthusiast. He knew the potential of his son. He would do anything to help his son reach that potential. Anything.

Steve seemed to thrive on the success of his first born son. During practices he would watch intently as his son competed with his friends. Every weekend from November through April, Steve and Matt would travel around New Jersey and Pennsylvania so Matt could compete in wrestling tournaments. Matt won most of these events. He accumulated dozens of medals and trophies. Steve was very proud. He created a trophy room in the basement of the family home. It was a shrine to this very successful youth athlete.

Matt would continue to compete year after year wrestling upwards of 100 matches in a season. When Matt was twelve I was asked to coach him at a national tournament in Las Vegas. Matt did very well. He seemed happy... until the flight home. It was then that I noticed something very disturbing about the risks involved in pushing a kid too far.

We took the red eye home from Vegas. Upon our approach to Philly, I noticed Steve was getting anxious. I asked what was on his mind. He told me that he was taking Matt to another tournament that morning and was hoping the plane would land in time. Matt looked exhausted. He just placed 2nd in a national tournament, flew 6 hours overnight, and now his dad wanted him to be ready to compete in less than two hours. I asked Steve what was the reason for him wanting Matt to compete that day. He told me that Matt has never won this particular tournament and he thought he could do it today. I told him he was nuts.

Steve would continue to push Matt to compete throughout his youth sports career. Matt would routinely put in 4-5 practice days a week and wrestle in 100-150 matches a year.  Through the years, I would see Matt every now and then. At times he seemed like a robot; unemotional and going through the motions of his competitive life. Steve seemed content with his son’s success. It was obvious that Steve was living vicariously through his son. Steve was never this successful in athletics.

Matt entered high school as a top level student-athlete. The consensus was that he was going to do very well at the state level because he was so good as a youth wrestler. I knew differently. Matt was pushed hard by his father through the developmental years. There had to be a breaking point. High school was it.

Matt began to develop a sense of independence. He wanted to find and be himself. He never had the chance to do this as a youngster. His dad pushed him to the brink day in and day out. Matt quit wrestling one day during his junior year of high school. He was exhausted. He was done.

The aggressive and strong 9 year old never really reached his potential. He never won a high school state medal. Why? Because his father pushed him too hard. Steve was so focused on his son winning matches as a 9 year old and never saw the damage being done. He never peeked into the future of what happens when a kid is denied his youth.

Too many parents go down this same path. They only see what’s in front of them. They never look ahead. They want little Johnny to sprint from start to finish in a race that’s comparable to a marathon (or more). There’s always a breaking point. For a coach, it’s always a sad day when this point arrives.

Parents, and some coaches, need to realize the tremendous responsibility bestowed upon them. We are not just building athletes. We are building people; living breathing human beings who will one day become adults. It is our responsibility to help our kids reach their potential while becoming well rounded, productive, interactive members of society. We need to encourage our kids to compete but not push them beyond the breaking point during their formative years. We can’t sprint from the start of a marathon that will last for years.

Kevin was born and raised in Southeastern Pennsylvania and attended Upper Darby High School, Shippensburg University(PA), and George Mason University(VA). Bachelor of Science in Education specializing in Health and Physical Education. 

Kevin was a competitive student/athlete in the sport of wrestling for 14 years and has been a coach of wrestling for 25 years at the high school, collegiate, and youth levels. He founded a successful private wrestling club in South Jersey and has been a Youth Soccer coach for the last 8 years. 

Passion: to teach, coach, write, and surf. Activities: fitness training, surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding.  Current job:  General Foreman for one the largest commercial/industrial mechanical contracting companies in Southeastern Pennsylvania.  Family:  wife Stacy, daughter Kylee, son Jake.